I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
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I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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