Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
