My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
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Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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