why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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