going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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