we have officially lost it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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