hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
