I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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