No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
