Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
high people should be assigned attendants
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.