I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette