my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
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tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
lol hangovers are for mortals.