I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
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We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"