Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
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For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just took my morning after pill in the library
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?