take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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