It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
