i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
