please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
