i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
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2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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