It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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