apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
