I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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