I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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