Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
