the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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