He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize