The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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