Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
