i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
