I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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