I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
