I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just had sex bonerless
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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