well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
