I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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