Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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