I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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