we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
