i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
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