i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
