I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
