Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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