I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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