Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
