Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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