just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am one with the molecules
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
