If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I skipped work to stalk him.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
