It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
