Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
