No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
