someone threw a dead crab at me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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