So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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