i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
