wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
