Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
