i would punch a child for taco bell
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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