Got a toothbrush?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize