Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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