when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
