I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
