Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
