how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
