I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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