halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
